You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
