are you still at the devil's house?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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