So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
