I wanna bring you to show and tell
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
