I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
