So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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