So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
