i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
