I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
