we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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