If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
