so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
