Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
