That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
