I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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