i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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