How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize