i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you made out with another girl for some wings
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
