Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
