Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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