It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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