dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
