I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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