I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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