I smell stomach acid.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
