umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
