belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i drank out of a bidet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
