i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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