you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
