i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize