U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
