We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
