I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
