So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
