my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
