Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
