She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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