Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
