i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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