Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
