is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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