did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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