this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
