After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
