Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
