the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
third nipple confirmed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
