if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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