my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
