I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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