I cockslap morals
I have demons in me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
