We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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