the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
