my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
