You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
