Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
