Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
