i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
