Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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