wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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