So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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