There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
