there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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