Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
