I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
