I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize