I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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