She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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