if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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