man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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