He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
