Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
