my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We have so much sex to catch up on
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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