dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
